Do You Have Any Boxes?

A new year has started and we have been challenged yet again to resolve to change some behavior that we have not been able to change in the past forty something years or start a new regimen that will undoubtedly improve us as human beings in one way or another. Yes, it’s time for new years resolutions. We are not sure of the origins of the tradition, but we do know that in the world of pro sports or business or even rock paper scissors if the win/loss ratio was equivalent to the quantity of new years resolutions that actually were kept the world would be a quiet lonely place.

Ed often says that if you are dissatisfied because your expectations have not been met it is easiest just to lower your standards. He wanted to declare a new years resolution to not get leprosy or fall out of a stunt airplane while doing tricks. Both good positive ideas but not totally in keeping with the intent of the whole resolution plot. So after much consternation and deep thought, (as deep as it gets when you are surrounded by farm animals all day) we have decided that the idea of having a single resolution for a year is an underachievers dream and that we should all continue to pursue bettering ourselves perpetually. If we go after constant improvement there is no telling where we will end up. But, if we only improve one time a year, and beat the current odds of successful new years resolution, at best we will only change forty or so things about ourselves and Gayle can list that many improvements that Ed needs with half her brain tied behind her back.

We have finally come to some resolution regarding housing and the destiny of our farm friends. We have rented the home near Lake Davidson. It is much closer to Kaitlin and Nate’s place AND civilization. Our (Ed’s) desire to become a farm mogul is also still alive due to some high level eleventh hour negotiations. Our current neighbors, Brad and Mia have agreed to co-op with us and use their land and our labor to continue with the chickens and produce. We will move the “barn”(semi trailer), the chicken coop and the tractor and equipment to the other side of the fence. We must have really looked pitiful because they agreed readily to the proposal. It may have been Ed’s crying but we can’t be sure.

As far as future plans we will be living in the town of Davidson. Davidson is a college town that is kind of a cross between ivy-league and super yuppie. There is still quite a bit of open land but the cost per acre makes it more suitable to development than farming. It is approximately thirty minutes from Davidson to downtown Charlotte and Lake Norman with all of its lake front properties borders the western edge of the town. Davidson is also home to one of the areas best run and best attended farmers markets. Every Saturday year round the market is open and supports local produce sales and farmers. Ed can hear the cash register already. Cha-Ching.

As far as the inmates at Crooked Gate Natural Farm and Detention Facility are concerned everyone is doing well. We would probably be shunned by the locals if they knew how spoiled our animals are. The goats are getting to be teenagers and beg to be taken back to the pasture every time someone walks out the back door. Goat food from a bag is not near as much fun as standing up on your hind legs and pulling the leaves off the lower branches of the trees. The big chickens are laying four fabulous eggs a day. John Adams waits for Ed to come home and runs full speed through the yard in anticipation of a handful of corn. He has been doing very well as the leader of his harem and lets the girls know when they are out of line. He has come to terms with Gayle regarding hanging around on the deck, with only an occasional climb to the railing to crow as loud as he can. (It’s a chicken thing).

The baby chickens are nine weeks old and have been getting time out of their cell in the exercise yard. When they move over to the new place they will be in a new chicken coop with all of the amenities. While they haven’t seen the big chickens place yet we are sure that, being in the cluckers and layers union local 123, they will demand equal pay for equal work. We are considering having an attorney on retainer if the farm continues to grow to handle negotiations. Ultimately if we encounter too much resistance from the work force we will move them from egg processing into the broiling and roasting facility and replace them with cheap labor from Central America.

Last week Ed took Gayle shopping at Concord Mills Mall to distract her from all of the stress and anxiety associated with being homeless. She was so tense that she decided to get a chair massage from the oriental woman in the center of the mall. She beat Gayle like she was trying to tenderize a piece of meat in a twenty minute episode that constitutes assualt in every state but Alabama. All in all, after a week that included running out of propane and having no heat in the house for two days, the water heater failing and needing to be replaced, the Sheriff coming to the door to foreclose on our landlord and repacking a lot of things that haven’t even had time to breathe since they were unpacked, we are happy and thankful that God cares for people like us even if we aren’t so good at taking care of ourselves and each other.